Last month I posted an article on knowing when to seek counseling.  Because I understand that people have many more questions in regard to counseling, I wanted to offer more help by answering a lot of common questions. My goal is debunk a few myths, offer clarity, and give you some insight to help you decide if counseling is right for you.

What Is Counseling, Really?

If you’ve never been to counseling you may have wondered, why would I pay to talk to somebody, when I have friends I can talk to for free? The single greatest benefit you get by seeking a professional counseling is confidentiality! You get to talk with someone who doesn’t know you and who doesn’t have any agenda to push on you. It also doesn’t change your relational dynamics with friends who might think differently of you or your situations by sharing intimate information about yourself that they could share with others. You get to be authentic, and for many, it can be the first time they feel free to really open up to someone. What you are really paying for is a place to explore YOUR thoughts, feelings, and emotions absent from judgment, pressure, or expectation. There is something empowering about hearing your own words spoken that often helps people to find a cohesive narrative of their life.

Counseling is not about giving advice or telling you what you need to do (like friends will do), but rather, it’s about helping you explore what you want, what you’ve tried, and what options you may have available to help you move forward. It’s really a team approach to problem solving.

Counseling is not a magical fix-all or a guarantee that your life will get better. In the end, it’s about helping YOU process what’s going on in YOUR life. Keep in mind; if you’re going to a Christian counselor, they will be interested in knowing how you see your relationship with God applying to your life.

So, Are We Just Going to Talk About My Past?

Many counselors today focus more on helping you find solutions to achieve a preferred future rather than digging into the past. It’s not that they don’t talk about the past. Instead, it’s generally only to the extent that the past is preventing you from moving forward. Finding your own personal power to move you from where you are to where you want to be is the real goal. Living in the past is about living with shame and guilt, and trying to live in the future is about anxiety and apprehension. The only place we have any power is in the present, which is where the majority of licensed counselors will be working to help you find and stay in.

All and all, counseling can be very helpful and can be the place where one will finally be honest with themselves and their true feelings. For some, it may be the first time they’ve ever stopped hiding behind a façade of self-protection and finally let go. Counseling is a place of learning. You are given the tools to help mend a relationship or give you deeper understanding of your partner’s perspective. Counseling helps to deepen your ability to attune and resolve longstanding conflicts, find trust, and finally gain healing.

Are you ready to let go of the side of the pool and learn to swim in the pool of life on your own?

How Long Would I See a Counselor?

Counseling doesn’t need to be some long-term relationship, and most often it is not. Counseling these days is often short term, meaning they will try and move through the process as fast as they can. I often will see people for three sessions or whenever needed. Today’s counseling is more “On-Demand,” meaning you can have an established relationship built with a counselor and only see them when you need additional support. People, as well as couples, will often return to counseling for maintenance or follow up sessions “As-Needed” after they’ve established a working relationship with a trusted counselor.

Does Going to Counseling Mean Something is Wrong With Me?

People historically enter counseling for many reasons. Sadly, many people who could benefit from counseling don’t go because they think only broken or “crazy” people should go to counseling. If they go then that means something must be wrong with them, right?  Let me tell you point blank, no! Seeking counseling means you’re ready to deal with an unhealthy issue in a healthy way.

There are also a lot of myths or misconceptions about counseling that keep people, especially Christians, from getting HELP! People often fear being judged as abnormal or they fear disclosing their problems. They fear being seen as weak and unable to handle their own life. Likewise, they can also fear being pressured into making changes they’re not ready to make, such has finally dealing with an unhealthy relationship or behavior. They also may have concerns about the process and what they might find out about themselves. Visions of having to lie on a couch and talk topics such as “How long were you breast feed you?” seem to come to people’s minds when they think about going to see a counselor. Let’s see if we can clear some of these up…

What If I Don’t Connect with My Counselor?

Just like mechanics and doctors, there are good ones and not so good ones, so be willing to get a second opinion. Counseling is very personal, and it’s important to feel the person you’re working with fully understands you and promotes your best interests.

When it comes to counseling, you’re really the boss! You are the one paying for their service, and if you don’t feel a connection or you don’t like the direction they are taking you, make your feelings known. If that doesn’t resolve things, find another counselor! Counselors are ethically required to provide you with some referrals if you terminate early. Remember, your counseling is not about your counselor. It’s about YOU, so never worry about hurting their feelings!

Most private practice counselors will offer a free 10-15 minute phone consultation to help see if you’re both a good fit for one another. Ask them questions about their background, experience, and the process they use. Remember, except for very limited situations, licensed counselors are legally forbidden to disclose any information about you without your permission. You can rest assured that what you’ve shared will stay with them. Professional counselors can deal with hundreds of cases each year and the majority of issues people bring in are very common, which can also be a relief when you find out the thing you’re dealing with is not abnormal. The details me be unique to you, but the effect and reactions they have on you and those you love are generally very normal to all of us.

If you’ve been considering counseling and the answers in this article have encouraged you to seek out, let’s chat.

-Joel Walton