The 1980’s and 1990’s saw the rise of a movement that has impacted today’s culture and educational system – particularly for the generation who grew up during those decades. It was the self-esteem movement and it gained the backing of both lawmakers and business leaders as they sought to “fix” social issues and boost human performance. It was a quick and easy solution to complex problems that actually aren’t quick and easy to fix.
The self-esteem movement grew from observations that happy, productive people felt a sense of worthiness; therefore, supporters of the movement believed that self-esteem was linked to being a happy, productive member of society. At its core, self-esteem teaches that when people feel better about themselves then they will perform better. For example: if a student had a higher self-esteem then he would make better grades; if a person had more self-esteem then she would avoid breaking the law; if employees had better self-esteem then they would produce better results at work.
Self-esteem is a problematic concept – particularly for those of the Christian faith. I don’t mean problematic in the sense of struggling with self-esteem, I mean there are a number of issues with the idea of self-esteem itself. Esteem is defined as “respect and admiration.” It’s synonymous with “acclaim, favor, recognition, honor, and reverence.” Though this may be counter-cultural (and in the spirit of truth, I’m okay with that), there are five problems with the idea of self-esteem.
5 Issues with the Idea of Self-Esteem
Problem #1: There is no marked level or basis for a “healthy” self-esteem and no proof of its benefit.
What is the level at which it should be? How do we measure it? How do we know we’ve arrived? And what evidence do we have that self-esteem will advance us?
A 1989 study of mathematical skills was conducted among eight different countries to compare students’ academic standings. The highest ranking country in mathematical skills was Korea, while the lowest ranking students were American. However, the interesting part was the researchers asked the students to rate how well they were in the subject of mathematics, and these self-judged abilities actually flip-flopped. American students ranked themselves at the highest in ability, while the Korean students ranked themselves lowest. Their mathematical self-esteem inversely reflected their actual abilities. Their perceptions were completely inaccurate. The Korean’s self-judgement was perceived as too low in comparison to their skills, while the American’s were perceived as too high. The measure of self-esteem had no reliable relevance to actual behavior – neither positively or negatively.
And in the instances where individuals with higher self-esteem did actually perform better, we have to realize that a correlation does not imply causation. Perhaps they felt better about themselvesbecausethey succeeded – not the other way around. There just isn’t any solid research out there to support the self-esteem theory.
For Christians, Jesus set an example of humility. An example where he did not seek to elevate himself, but rather to serve others. The very act of leaving his deserving throne in heaven to come to earth wrapped in our flesh and walk as a man among us is an act of humility. There is no esteem for a man born in rags in a manger. Yet, his very life is an example for all.
“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:5-8)
Problem #2 : We mask or excuse other problems as “low self-esteem.”
There have been too many occasions where individuals struggling with depression have just been told they have a low self-esteem and that if they could “feel better” about themselves, they’d improve. Clinical depression does not work this way. There is a neurological imbalance and no “self pep talk” will fix what is happening in the brain for a person suffering from depression.
Sometimes we mask poor decision making as low self-esteem. Oh, he acted out because he feels bad about himself. She consented to that because she has low self-esteem.Though our feelings (again feelings can deceive and change) do influence our decision making, it’s not a wise or mature way of taking action. While feelings may explain someone’s poor decision, they most certainly do not excuse them.
Furthermore, the idea of low self-esteem is a paradox in itself. Those who suffer from low self-esteem tend to think of themselves more often than others. And in doing so, they place a tremendous amount of time, energy, thought, and resource into themselves. Thus, they are placing more and more esteem on themselves. So, those consumed with thinking about themselves (even if it’s negative thoughts) actually (by definition of esteem) don’t have a low self-esteem at all – it’s actually a pretty high esteem for themselves. See the paradox???
Problem #3: People use unhealthy methods to esteem themselves by comparing to others.
How we feel about ourselves is often influenced by how we think others perceive us. This perception may or may not be accurate. Furthermore, we use cultural standards to measure ourselves against others to determine how we should feel about our ranking. If we look around and decide we are thinner or more successful or more attractive than others, this comparison deflates others. Or if we decide we don’t measure up, we deflate ourselves.
You see, self-esteem submits to others’ opinions of us. We seek for others to esteem us so we can esteem ourselves. We elevate the opinion of man above the opinion of God. As a result, issues with insecurity, peer pressure, and codependency run rampid. And then in an effort to “fix” these insecurities and perceived self-esteem issues, we work harder and harder to compensate – and again, turn to the opinions of others and comparing ourselves to others. It’s an unending, ugly cycle.
You were made in the image of God. The all-powerful Creator fashioned every detail of you together: your personality, characteristics, and physical stature. You are valuable because of who created you, not because of what you or others or culture decide you are. Paintings get their value in who the painter is – not because of the painting itself. If a painter is famous, then his painting will be valuable. You are God’s masterpiece, and you are just that – a masterpiece. And it’s not because of your self-esteem, it’s because of the esteem of the One who made you.
Problem #4: Self-esteem is not given, but created and supports a work-based faith.
With the self-esteem movement came a slew of one-liners you’re probably familiar with. Believe in yourself and anything is possible. You have to love yourself before you can love others.They sound good, but there isn’t much truth in these statements. Believing I can do something doesn’t realistically mean that I actually can. There are too many other variables involved. But, when a child is taught this misconception and then doesn’t reach that unrealistic vision, their whole worldview is shaken – after all, they were taught they could do and be anything they wanted. Furthermore, from a biblical perspective – we are told to love God and love others. There weren’t any prerequisites about loving yourself first.
The supporters of the self-esteem movement believed we could speak self-esteem into people or by giving everyone a trophy or ribbon. In actuality, self-esteem is a byproduct of overcoming personal adversity and struggle. It’s feeling good about what you’ve produced because you’ve earned it. It’s the ultimate desire of our human flesh to be exalted by our own efforts. And it’s also why legalism is so prevalent within the church. Work, earn, perform, succeed. The message of legalism rather than the message of grace.
Problem #5: Self-esteem implies a misplaced focus.
Perhaps the biggest issue with self-esteem for the Christian is the issue of focus. Self-esteem by its very definition is a focus on the self. There is no command anywhere from Genesis to Revelation that tells Christ followers to esteem themselves. Nowhere are we told to “feel good” about ourselves in order to be successful or happy. In fact, when asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus answered that it was to love God and love your neighbor (Luke 10:27). The focus for Jesus (and therefore for the Christian also) is always on God and on others. Never on self.
In stark contrast to what our culture says about self-esteem, the writers of the New Testament encouraged us to shift our focus. Take a look at the words of John and you won’t find any reference to esteeming ourselves. “He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 30:30)” Paul wrote to the Church at Philippi, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (vs 3-4)” Paul tells us that self-forgetfulness is actually the best place for serving others.
Someone who is focused on esteeming God above all else and serving mankind rather than serving their own interests is not someone who will likely come to office and share about his/her low self-esteem.
Self-Worth vs Self-Esteem
I must make a point of clarification: self-esteem is not the same as self-worth. While we are never told to esteem ourselves in the Bible, we are told over and over again about our worth and high value. While we are never told to elevate ourselves, we’re also never told to think poorly of ourselves.
We were purposefully and carefully created:
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.” – Psalm 139:13-15
We hold more value to God than anything else in creation:
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” – Luke 12:6-7
God found you so valuable that He made a way, through Christ, to save you.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8
You are immeasurably valuable. This never changes. No matter what you perceive in a mirror. No matter what another person says. No matter how you feel at the moment. Forget the illusion of self-esteem. I’m sticking to truths.
If you’re struggling with your worth or a misplaced esteem has caused you any hurt, I would encourage you to refocus on truth with the help of a trained and professional counselor.
-Joel D. Walton