You probably don’t spend much time thinking about it, nevertheless you probably spend a significant amount of time dealing with it. It has effects on your thoughts, your feelings, and your desires. What am I talking about? FEAR. It’s the birthplace of stress and anxiety, and it lies beneath the majority of our emotional pain.
Fear is a strange thing; we all have dealt with it. It’s really the one thing that most often motivates us to take action. It can be the reason we strive to achieve and become better, but it can also be the thing that overwhelms us and paralyzes us from fully embracing life. It can be one of the most debilitating aspects in one’s life.
There’s almost an endless list of things to be fearful of… Not having enough money… Public speaking, flying, losing your job, failure or rejection… Disease or pain… And even the fear of death, which is the ultimate fear for many people. Most of our fears are kept in check by our ability to regulate our thoughts and by adjusting our situations or perspective. However, when we don’t or can’t make those adjustments, our fears can become overwhelming and problematic.
Here are a few you may not be aware of… Have you heard of Heliophobia? It’s the fear of the sun, and people with this fear often suffer from a Vitamin D deficiency. It’s sometimes referred to as the “vampire fear.” What about Oikophobia? This is the fear of your toaster, oven, fridge, and every other household appliance. Okay, one more. Someone who has Phagophobia would be afraid of swallowing.
You may not have heard of the above fears. But, the truth is that we’re all afraid of something. Despite how well you manage it, we’re all dealing with fear on some level. Other than death (and taxes), fear is probably the one only thing we all have in common. And unfortunately, fear can have a crippling influence within your life.
The majority of emotional struggles we face are in response to some fear we are trying to manage. Often we don’t even realize it’s really fear we’re actually dealing with. We fear all sorts of things, both real and imagined. And we’re not alone – fear is the universal emotion we share in common with other animals. What’s interesting is when you look at the human condition, in comparison to other animals, no other animal is really as vulnerable to their environment as we are. We have a very narrow ability to tolerate our environment. If we are a product of evolution, why are we so fragile? Think about it – if you place us in the sun, we’ll burn. Exposed to the cold, we’ll freeze. We live in artificial environments of our making to comfort and protect us from the harsh elements of the world. On top of that, we need to be fed and watered every few hours. And these are just some of our physical needs! When you take into account our emotional, mental, and spiritual needs, the list is almost endless. We have needs for meaning, purpose, love, respect, connection, intimacy, joy, security, freedom, and success. It’s really our needs and attempts to fulfill and maintain our needs that are the cause of all our fear, stress, and anxiety. It’s no wonder we’re all so stressed out!
While fear is an ever-present reality for all of us, it’s not always a bad thing. In fact, fear at lower levels is simply concern. It helps motivate us forward by understanding what’s at stake. It’s what causes us to do those things we really don’t want to do – like paying bills, going to work, and wearing your seatbelt while driving. So, some fear is not always a bad thing. However, when fear and anxiety start to run our lives it creates significant problems in our life, relationships, and health. Researchers have documented the negative effects of fear and how it becomes a taskmaster that enslaves us into a life for which we never can be satisfied.
It’s worth noting for the Christian, the issue of fear was never part of God’s original design. Even the most casual observation of the first few chapters of Genesis reveals a much different story than the one we live today. Before the fall, man and woman lived without any fear and in total comfort and security as they abided in the tree of life, which is a picture of Jesus Christ. Today, we live in struggle from a place of our fallen humanity that drives a need to search for and find a sense of comfort and security from the harsh discomforts of the world around us. While we may be spiritually saved, our bodies and worldly flesh are still very much exposed to the conditions of the fall. For many Christians, fear is what motivates their faith, which means they often never come to a true understanding of God’s love. Sometimes our fears cause us to miss the big picture – the big, beautiful, life-altering, life-saving picture of God’s grace pouring out on us in crimson red and unending mercies.
1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
For many, their fears stem from an unmet need in their childhood or from a damaging past relationship. Maybe you’ve been abused, neglected, shamed, violated, disrespected, devalued, or hurt by another imperfect person – as we all have been. It’s difficult for even the most mature Christian to reconcile these fears with our faith and our identity. This is where a trained Christian counselor can help you navigate the debri-laden path, so you can step into some healing light.
So, we’ve settled on the point that fear is something we all deal with and attempt to manage. But what if that fear (which metamorphosizes into stress and worry) becomes constant and unresolved? Well, that’s when it can have significant and negative consequences on our lives and relationships.
5 Ways Fear Affects Our Health & Relationships
- Physical Health
Living in fear stresses our bodies. Fear’s effects on the body include a weakened immune system, cardiovascular damage, decreased fertility, and a slew of gastrointestinal issues like ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome. It accelerates our aging process and can lead to a premature death. Some researchers have concluded that the single biggest factor in a long life isn’t exercise or diet, but instead is reducing fear, stress, and anxiety. In a culture dumping absurd amounts of money into “fixing” our health problems and battling our aging problem, maybe the best place to start is resolving our fear problem.
- Emotional Health
Fear interrupts the brain’s processes that regulate our emotions and impact our brain’s ability to read non-verbal cues, to think before reacting, and to react ethically. Fear negatively impacts our thinking and our decision-making abilities, furthering our ability to respond in an emotionally appropriate manner. Emotionally mature people are those who dive down deep, acknowledge and claim their fears, and then work toward overcoming those fears. These people are able emotionally reasonable in their responses at work, home, church, and wherever else they frequent.
- Mental Health
Long-term fear can result in serious mental health concerns such as sleeping disorders, clinical depression, anxiety, and a host of other issues. Each of these conditions also carry the aforementioned physical and emotional interferences. Fear not only damages your bodies and emotions, it can also damage a part of the brain known as the hippocampus – the part responsible for a) converting information into long-term memories and b) working with the limbic system to regulate our emotions. Fear can become like ruts on a dirt run that our mind travels and can’t seem to break free from.
- Spiritual Health (For the Christian)
Did you know the idea of “Fear” is spoken of over 500 times in the Bible? It’s clearly not a new issue we’re all dealing with. It’s been around since time and memorial. The problem with fear, stress, and anxiety is it impacts our faith and our ability to trust in the plans God has laid for us. Fear is a tool of the enemy, to stifle our confidence in Christ and to distract us away from God. Christians who struggle with fear often have a sense of unworthiness and anxiety that God is upset with or angry at them, or a false belief they can never make up for and correct their past failures. If you feel this way I would encourage you to look at last month’s article on your Identity in Christ found HERE.
- Our Relationships
Fear of rejection can hinder us from being vulnerable and authentic. It limits our intimacy and creates a void in our relationships. Fear of abandonment causes us to push others way in an attempt to prevent others from neglecting us. In fact, this mistaken idea leads us to believe we are safer by neglecting others first. A fear of abandonment can also lead one to be overly clingy and thus result in a self-fulfilling prophecy. We all bring baggage to our relationships – both platonic and romantic. Fear is one carry-on that’s too large to shove under our seats and not notice.
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Tips for Coping With Your Fears
- Release control of your past and the worry of your future.
The experiences, hurts, and unmet needs of your past are exactly that: the past. You can do nothing to change them. Living in fear because of the past will only cause the past to repeat itself and send you into an unhealthy, prisoner-shackling, destructive pattern. The past does not have to define your future if you’re willing to release it now.
Speaking of the future, it is true that our present actions will yield future results, so it is appropriate to think of those consequences now. It allows us to make the most mature and healthy decisions now. However, worrying over the future and its unknown events will only bring you harm. Can worrying add a single day to your life? (Christians, go read Matthew 6:27.) Actually, we previously discussed how worry can take days from your life – or at least your quality of life.
- Become the owner and operator of your thought-life.
Dwelling on those things which cause you fear will only produce more fear. It’s like a cancerous cell which replicates itself. To manage your fear, you must step up and become a manager! As ideas flow in and out of your mind, take captive each thought and address it for what it is. (Again, Christians, go read 2 Corinthians 10:5 and Philippians 4:8). Is it truth or a self-concocted lie? Allow the truth to remain and toss out the lie. Is it helpful or destructive? Dwell on the helpful and release the destructive thought patterns before they manifest themselves. Allow your brain to reason appropriately with fact and faith. Save your imagination for company vision board, but tell it to take a break when it comes to your fears.
- Be daring.
New and growth-inspiring experiences will silence your fears. When you take a breath, swallow hard, and step out (even when your fears are trying to lasso you back in), the success and surprising positive results will make it much easier for you to step forward in the future. When you see that your fears did NOT play out, they will lose their power over you. And if you dare to step out and be vulnerable – despite your fear – and you still fail, well then you step out again…and again…and again until you succeed Here’s a recent article on Failure. Enough yanks on the lasso of fear and those threads will eventually lessen and break, allowing you to run free!
Some people have positive methods of dealing with fear while others have destructive methods. Some work to reduce fear while others work to merely manage it. If you are struggling with fear and anxiety in your own life, maybe it’s time to seek the help of a licensed counselor to help you process and better understand what is driving your fears.
If fear has affected your health and relationships, let’s begin mending that today.
-Joel D. Walton