Albert Einstein shared an insightful metaphor about the nature of comparison. He said, “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Wow! What an awful way to live a life – constantly comparing yourself to something you are not and never will be. The fish never had any hope of climbing that tree, but focusing on that inability caused the fish to miss his own unique beauty and ability to swim underwater – gliding effortlessly through the sea without ever needing to come up for air.
While I’m quoting brilliant historical figures, President Theodore Roosevelt is famously quoted with the ever-so wise words, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” He could not have been more right. Comparison is a measurement game that always leaves at least one side of the scale losing. We compare everything from our physical features – Who is thinner? – to our income – Who makes more money?We compare our possessions and our talents. Who has the nicer car or bigger house? Who is the better cook? We even measure our worth as a parent by comparing our kids’ accomplishments against those of our peers’ children. Whose kid made the varsity team? Who has the higher GPA?
What Happens When We Compare Ourselves to Others?
There are several repercussions to playing the comparison game with others and none of the results are healthy, beneficial, or worthwhile. Do you recognize any of these things in your own life?
1. We measure ourselves and others by harsh standards.
When we spend our time and thoughts measuring ourselves against others, we usually do so with a pretty strict ruler. There’s little room for grace both with others and ourselves. We single out flaws and use them to either inflate our own self-perception (deflating someone else in the process) orwe inflate the characteristics or achievements of someone else (while deflating our own).
Relationships without grace are prone to crumble and fail. We cannot meet all of the expectations placed upon us, and it’s not fair (shoot, not even fully possible) to ask that of anyone else. Furthermore, we have no right to place standards of appearance or achievement upon other people and then judge them (and ourselves) for not meeting that standard.
2. We magnify weaknesses and criticize others.
After we’ve been measured up, comparison exaggerates the weaknesses in ourselves and others. Everyone has a different set of strengths and no one is great at everything. But, rather than celebrating the strengths of others, we allow comparison to taint our sight. We view the strengths of others as a threat to our standing. Or we boast in our own strengths and use them as a wrung on a ladder to elevate ourselves.
Criticism is quick to follow. We point out flaws and allow our weaknesses to hold us captive or condemned. We gossip about the weaknesses of others rather than sharing encouragement with them. The Bible tells Christians they are all members of one body. The toe is valuable and so is the arm. Toes serve different functions than arms and both are necessary to accomplish the overall goal – benefiting the body (in our case, the body of Christ).
3. We are motivated to compete with others.
Comparison sends us into an unending pursuit to top each other. It’s as if there is some limited prize we’re racing toward, and we size one another up in an effort to score the gold. Friendships become toxic with competition, vulnerability quickly recedes, and intimacy all but vanishes. Who can be authentic with someone when it may be used as ammo against them?
When we a caught up in comparison, it tells us to quit cheering one another on and start trying to run each other off the track. Others are competition to eliminate or destroy rather than teammates to help carry the baton. It has an isolating effect on us, and causes the Christian to lose sight of their truest purpose – loving God and loving others.
So, How Can I Stop Comparing Myself to Others?
Comparison is not a game you have to play. It’s a trap you can learn to recognize and thu, avoid. You can choose to stop the ride and get off. Here are a few ways you can break that comparison ruler.
1. Remember who (and whose) you are.
You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember the old saying, “comparing apples to oranges?” It’s fruitless (pun intended). There is no need for comparison when you remember that each of us was made with a unique mold of physical traits and personality and created to walk a unique path filled with different experiences. Appreciating the care and attention to detail that was put into you eliminates the temptation to tell God He didn’t do a good enough job.
2. Learn to appreciate your weaknesses.
When we see our imperfections in the light of love , we are grateful for them. Because through them, Christ’s strength can shine. How can the light get out if there aren’t any cracks? The realization of our flaws also lends itself to gratitude for grace – an appreciation for the forgiveness and sanctification that resulted from Christ’s sacrifice on the cross.
3. Encourage and compliment others.
When we’re tempted to size up someone (even ourselves) choose to share an encouraging word instead. To the woman who you find more fashionable than yourself, “You always find such great outfits!” Or to the neighbor with the nicer yard, “You always maintain such a healthy lawn. Your hard work shows.” As opposed to criticizing another person’s parenting style because it differs from yours, instead compliment them (genuinely) with, “I admire your patience in parenting.” Or, “You do a great job of sticking to a routine for your child.” Kind and sincere words will alleviate any bitterness or jealousy within ourselves.
If you are struggling with a mindset of unhealthy comparison, it’s time to get to the underlying cause and break free from this lifestyle. Healing from the painful jaws of comparison is waiting. Contact me today to start breaking free.
-Joel D. Walton