Since the latter half of the twentieth century, women have been told to be strong, to be independent, and to be leaders. Such skills have served women well in the business world. While strong wills and a take charge mentality might grow companies, they aren’t necessarily the greatest skills in a marriage.
Some women are alpha wives – in charge of everyone and everything. The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriageby Suzanne Venker speaks to those women who are in charge, who struggle to turn off “boss” mode and struggle to release their need for control. An alpha female raised by an alpha female mom, Venker relates first hand to the complications and competition within a marriage when you have the alpha trait.
Filled with chapters on changing your perspective, owning your femininity, releasing others from your expectations, and reprogramming your critical words, Venker speaks to women about the dos and don’ts for alpha females. She doesn’t come from a place of judgment, but from understanding. A memoir of sorts, she shares from her own experiences as a wife and encourages alpha females to make intentional choices for their mate and marriage.
This is NOT a book about taking a backseat. It is NOT about telling women to change who they are or to be weak. In fact, the alpha wife has incredible strength. Her skills and talents just need to be redirected in her marriage. Rather than controlling her husband, she can control her motives, words, and actions. Doing so enables her husband to lead in a way that the alpha female can actually appreciate and admire.
Each chapter ends with a challenge. I like giving clients something tangible to take away – an application of what we’ve discussed. Venker offers such advice and action. Her practical advice is for every varying level of alpha female, and her words of wisdom can help guide all women to becoming more of the wife their men and marriages need them to be.
Venker sums up her advice in these simple keys: “Hope, don’t expect. Ask, don’t demand. Praise him and thank him. Say yes instead of no. Let him save face. Be kind. Don’t nag. If you have to ask yourself whether or not you should say something, don’t say anything. Forget about what your husband is or isn’t doing. Focus on your own actions instead. Say yes to sex.” Simple advice, but difficult to always carry out. Within each chapter lies nugget of wisdom on how to do so.
Don’t misunderstand Venker (or me), she’s not trying to challenge or criticize the progress of women. In today’s cultural normative of social trends, many avoid speaking out on the topic of alpha females for fear of backlash.Venker is asking (and what I’m asking): is it working? And are you happy in and with your marriage?
Alpha women help make things happen in the world. They get things done. They take initiative and see things through. But when it comes to love and marriage, the alpha female’s great achievement will be helping her husband be an alpha who doesn’t have to compete with his wife. Are you up for the challenge?