One of my favorite comedians posted a video online recently showcasing the difference between extroverts and introverts during this shelter in place. Highly comical, sure, but the underlying truths are real – some people are really struggling during this social (or maybe I should say unsocial) season. Some people are incredibly lonely and I’ve heard from so many expressing this.
In previous articles, I’ve written about the way close relationships are the key to a happy life. But during this shelter in place, we’re missing some of our favorite aspects to our relationships – gatherings, birthday parties, sharing meals, going on outings, etc. We cannot hug those outside of our homes or meet for weekly coffee or Sunday afternoon football games. It’s really easy – and understandable – to feel lonely right now.
Some of you were already going through lonely seasons of death, divorce, job loss, or some other grief when this COVID-19 lockdown happened and it has sent you into an even lonelier situation. Some of you are surrounded by family at home (non-stop) yet a lack of intimacy has amplified your concerns and fueled a deep sense of loneliness. Whatever the case, I want to meet you where you are and help you journey through this shelter in place season.
5 Ways to Combat Loneliness
There are many ways to combat loneliness. A great deal of it has to do with emotional and mental health, but there are some tangible things and practices you can apply now to take the edge off of loneliness.
- Find a Routine
Feeling lonely can lead to other feelings of insecurity and fear, but the predictability of a routine fosters feelings of safety and comfort. Routines let you know what’s coming next and gives you something to look forward to. They help us move from activity to activity without much thought or external motivation, and we are able to accomplish the things we need to when we discipline ourselves to a routine.
Whether you are working from home, home-schooling kids, or currently laid off, create a schedule to follow each day. When we are lonely, it’s easy to neglect basic activities like eating healthy meals, showering, exercising or following an appropriate sleep schedule. Get up, fix your hair like you normally would, get dressed for the day in real clothes, and tackle a predetermined outline of tasks.
This daily regime will give you the feeling of both purpose and accomplishment. Your brain will release a little dopamine kick as you check items off your schedule and that gives you little “feel good” moments.
- Get Active
When you’re feeling lonely, it’s easy to shut down. Many lonely people say they feel depressed and don’t feel like doing anything. So, fight your instincts and get moving. Study after study shows the many mental and emotional benefits to exercising. Plus, it gives you something to do when your social options are limited.
There are thousands of walking/jogging/cardio/weight training/yoga/pilates/you-name-it videos and plans online. A quick search yields endless options. You don’t have to follow any of them perfectly– just do something. You may find that after a week or so that you are feeling really good and want to get more serious with your exercise. Or you may just enjoy the leisurely walk through the neighborhood waving at neighbors (oh look…it’s people!).
If you really are craving human interaction, use an exercise app where you can add a friend and track one another’s progress. It’s not the same as being with someone, but it’s a friendly connection. You’ll have to check the rules and safety guidelines of your area, but I’ve seen small groups meet at a park and walk or jog 6 feet apart.
- Take on a Project
A sense of accomplishment goes a long way in combating those negative feelings from loneliness. Take stock of you home. Is there an indoor or outdoor project you’ve been wanting to tackle? Why not do it now? Organize a closet, paint a room, weed the garden, finally clean out that junk drawer (you know you have one…we all do). Cut on some music and get lost in your project.
Perhaps it’s a new hobby. Impress (or embarrass) your kids by downloading the crazy popular TikTok app and making some videos to share with friends or family. Maybe you have a stack of books you’ve been wanting to read and haven’t cracked open yet. Download a new book from Amazon and get lost in an adventure or maybe choose from one of the books from our review page.
Yes, if you’re busy with work and kids, projects and hobbies are hard to do. But, maybe the new hobby is simply binge watching the latest season of your favorite show on Netflix after the kids go to bed. Whatever it is, it will serve as a nice distraction from feelings of loneliness until we are able to enjoy human interaction again.
- Practice Some Self-Care
When loneliness becomes too much to handle, take some time to love yourself. Find ways to fill up your heart, mind, and soul in ways you’ve been lacking. Self care isn’t selfish, but necessary if you want to be able to pour into others.
Self care looks different for everyone, but here are a few ideas of things you can do during social distancing:
- Take a long walk and enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of nature. Sunshine and Vitamin D do wonders for our moods.
- Crank up your favorite music and dance around your house. Air guitar if you want to – no one is watching anyway.
- Spend some time in prayer. If you don’t know what to pray, pray the Psalms.
- Take a bath. Use candles and bath salts if that’s your thing. (My wife has some of those things.)
- Schedule a Telehealth session with your counselor.
- Unplug from all social media and technology for the day.
- Take a nap. Even Jesus rested.
Reach Out & Connect
Chances are, there are more people feeling lonely right now than you think. While we cannot be person to person, we do have lots of technology to help us connect to others. Reach out to someone – a family member, friend, coworker, etc. They just might be longing for connection too!
Video chatting allows face to face interaction. No, it’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing. Zoom, Facetime, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, and heck, even Snapchat all have options for video chatting with people. (And yes, young people, I’m cool enough to know what Snapchat is.) If ever there was a time to take advantage of technology, it’s now.
Tell someone you’re lonely. Let them know you’re struggling. Ask them to help you by regularly checking in on you. Knowing someone cares makes a huge difference!
This shelter in place season will eventually come to an end. I want to make sure that when it does, your mental health is still intact. If loneliness has you feeling overwhelmed, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I’m a short email or call away, and so is healing!
– Joel