We parents love our kids (just wait until you have a grandkid…it’s even more awesome). But, I do remember how long the days could be. There was the constant supervision of toddlers (if you didn’t want broken bones or broken furniture), the round-the-clock snacks (toddlers and teens), the battles over bathing or going to bed or eating vegetables, and as they got older it became worrying about where they were or if they were driving safely.
Yes, parenting is rewarding and a gloriously wonderful thing, but it can be exhausting and stressful. Based on what I’m hearing from many of you, it’s particularly challenging right now as your kids are home sheltering in place with you. We’re almost two months into this 24/7 at home, virtually schooling, slam-on-the-breaks-halt to our normal routines, and you’re stressed – and your kids may be too.
As is my nature, I want to help. No, I cannot babysit your kids, help them with their schoolwork, or stand guard at your home office door while you’re on your Zoom call, but I can help equip you and guide you with practical tips for shifting this stressful time into one of growth and health.
Parenting During the COVID-19 Crisis.
- Remember your role as the role model.
The first thing to surviving and thriving parenting right now is to remember your role as a parent. You set the tone for your family. You set the example. You’re the role model. If you’re stressed and anxious and overwhelmed and upset, it won’t take long until your kids are showing the same things – maybe not in the same was as you, but definitely still a display of their fear and anxiety.
So the first thing to do for your kids is set a great example in dealing with your stress and anxiety.
- Cut off the tv to show them how we control the amount of negativity we allow in.
- Let go of unfair expectations and perfection. These are imperfect days, so have some grace with yourself and they will too.
- Go for a walk when you need a break. Show them how you prioritize health and wellness – even in stressful times.
- Strive for balance instead or perfection.
This goes back to what I said in the bullet point above, but deserves more emphasis. You may be working from home or out working as an essential employee, wondering how bills are going to get paid, cleaning and cooking around the clock, helping your kids with virtual learning and caring for the many needs of your children all at the same time. Whew!
There is no way to do all of that perfectly, and no one is expecting you to except for maybe you. At the end of the day, what matters is that you did your best. You gave some of you to your kids, some of you to your job, and some of you to you (in rest and self-care) – not ALL of you to these things.
If you’re feeling spread thin, it’s because you are right now. Determine what can wait. Can the household chores and cooking be delegated to someone else right now? They may not be done perfectly, but it takes something off your plate and gives the kids something to do.
Can you set up office hours to focus on your work just during those hours? This will free your time and attention for the kids when you’re done. If you have small kids, this may be during naptime, or it may mean that you and your mate work in shifts – alternating taking turns with the kids and work. Not a perfect situation, but enough to produce some work and tend to kids. One guy I know works from his back deck while the kids run around in the backyard playing – two birds, one stone.
- Create a level of emotional and mental safety at home.
Children of all ages crave stability, consistency, and safety – especially when the world seems upside down like it does now. You can help create this for them in a number of ways.
- Make a daily schedule to help maintain routines. Kids will learn to shift from one activity to the next with little prompting from you because they know what comes next. This is one of the ways your kids’ teachers create a safe classroom environment, so try to facilitate something similar at home. Work in breaks and snack times so they have things to look forward to. I mean, who doesn’t look forward to snack time, right???
- I cannot say this enough…CUT OFF THE TV!! The constant bombardment of the coronavirus and political coverage is enough to stress anyone out. Limit your child’s exposure to frightening images and stories on tv, the computer, and any other technological device you have in your home. Some home wifi systems actually let you pause the internet on selected devices so as to limit usage at designated times.
- Help them have a sense of control by letting them know their part in this. Give them a job or age appropriate task to take ownership of. It’ll give them a sense of accomplishment and an area in which they control what happens.
- Be prepared to answer your kids’ questions as best as you can about COVID-19 and what’s going on around them. It’s helpful to let them know that while the virus is very serious, people are working hard to protect them and that there are people who are recovering from the disease. It’s okay to be honest with them about not knowing how much longer this will last, but remind them of the positives that have come from this time – invaluable family time, a chance to be creative at home, more appreciation for doctors and teachers and other essential workers, etc.
- Mix things up.
Even the most regiment person needs to switch things up once in a while. Look for ways to mix things up a little.
- Go outside so you can get out of the house for a bit. Go for a family walk around the neighborhood (social distancing from others, of course). Play in the backyard. Think back to the games you played outside as a kid and teach those to your own children: tag, hide and seek, ring-around-the-rosey, etc. And be sure to wash your hands when you go back in.
- Create different work spaces in the house so kids have options. One family told me that they do math at the kitchen table, reading in a fort they made in the living room, and art on the back porch. It’s as if they’re switching stations like they would at school. This also gives them a change of scenery without feeling the need to invade your home office space where you’re working.
- Loosen up. Yes, you are an adult, but be silly with your kids. Whether they’re 2 or 22, break down and be playful, rambunctious, and ridiculous with them. Everyone needs a little laughter.
- Remember that you’re not alone.
Other parents are experiencing the same thing right now. Create a social media group to connect with other parents where you can exchange ideas and encourage one another. If nothing else, share a few laughs over whose kids did the silliest thing today.
I heard of one group of parents who have a group text thread where they daily check in on one another. Sometimes they even have Zoom “happy hours” after their kids go to bed. Connection with other people goes a long way!
You can orchestrate this for your kids too. Set up Zoom, Skype, or Facetime appointments for them to talk to their teachers or school mates. Teach your kids how to call cousins or grandparents to check on them and to catch up with them.
Finally, if you or your children are overwhelmed with stress, fear, anxiety, or any other emotion during this time, reach out to me. I have virtual sessions available so you can chat from the comfort of your home. Don’t let you or your child’s mental health take a backseat because of this shelter in place. I’m here and I can help.
– Joel