What do swearing, smoking, over-eating, nose-picking (gross), over-sleeping, over-committing, excessive television watching, excessive drinking, and biting your fingernails have in common? You’ve probably guessed it – they’re things typically considered to be bad habits. A quick search for bad habits results in endless lists of actions and thought patterns that many people participate in but usually agree they should quit.
But, “old habits die hard,” right? These easy-to-slip-into behaviors found their ways into our lives for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps they started off as something we did occasionally and then grew into a more frequent habit. Or maybe they are something we do to fill a void or need or craving. Maybe they are nervous habits – something we instinctively do when faced with a stressful situation.
Whatever the reason our “less-than-favorable” habits developed, we get to choose whether or not to continue them or not. Old habits DO die hard, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be laid to rest once and for all.
Note: This article is not intended to be any moral examination of habits or to define what is a “bad” habit and what is not. The presumption is that you have decided for yourself what habits you wish to cease and I am offering practical guidance on how to do so.
5 Tips for Dumping Your Bad Habits
- Identify the Specific Habit
It’s hard to eliminate a habit that you don’t address head on. Be specific and nail down the exact habit you want to quit. For example, instead of saying “over-snacking,” you may choose to stop eating snacks after dinner time or while you are at home or specific types or quantities of snacks.
Being too broad or general about your habit may make it seem overwhelming to break free from or like too tall of a task to tackle. Some habits – like smoking – are fairly straight forward, but be specific about whether you’re going to do it less or quit completely.
- Understand Your Triggers
Often times our bad habits developed as a means of coping with stress. Maybe you bite your nails or chomp gum when you get anxious. Other times they began in certain environments. I’ve worked with people who started smoking casually when out with friends and it developed into a full blown addiction. Perhaps boredom prompts a desire in you to do something – like snack or channel surf the television.
What are you usually doing when you lean into the habit you wish to quit? As you identify the habit you want to kick, look at your environment and circumstances when you resort to that habit. Knowing this will play a role in helping you quit. An intentional effort to avoid or minimize the triggers will help you avoid relapsing into your habit.
- Develop a Substitution Plan
When you eliminate the habit, you may feel a void. Find something safe and healthy to substitute in place of that habit. No, I’m not suggesting trading out one bad habit for another. Instead, I’m suggesting starting a good practice in place of a less productive one. For example, every time you feel like snacking or smoking or whatever habit you battle, redirect yourself to a brisk walk outdoors or go write an entry in your journal.
If you don’t want to midnight binge eat, then make a plan to bring two cookies to bed when you go, and decide you’re not going back to the kitchen for more. Don’t want to give into internet surfing or the temptation of porn? Plan to unplug your computer at night and charge electronics in the family room instead of your bedroom. Then, go read the book on your nightstand instead.
- Make a Commitment & Find Accountability
Commit to a goal. When do you hope to be free from your habit? Set a realistic time frame and commit to it. Mark it on the calendar. Write your goals and the reason why you want to quit on a sticky note and place it around your home or car where you will see it. I had one client who wanted to quit smoking before her first grandchild was born. She taped the ultrasound picture to her pack of cigarettes so that she’d remember what was motivating her decision every time she got tempted to smoke again.
Get an accountability partner. Those who are trying to stop drinking excessively can find a local AA group. Those who are quitting porn use can have their friend or spouse install software on their phone and computer that would report use of inappropriate sites. Place a swear jar on the counter and fine yourself (or let others fine you) every time you slip. Alternatively, an accountability partner can also help reward you for sticking to your plan. I knew one man whose buddy took him for a steak dinner every month that he stayed smoke free.
- Be Patient
Your habit didn’t start overnight, and it hasn’t been part of your life for just a day either. So, do not set yourself up for defeat or disappointment by expecting yourself to break the habit overnight. Show yourself some grace. Just deciding to better yourself and live a healthier life by intentionally stepping away from bad habits is commendable. Be proud of your commitment. Every day of intentionality is a day closer to success.
Will you have days of relapse and moments of weakness? It’s probable. But, that doesn’t mean giving it up or defeat. It means tomorrow you commit again and you get back to your plan. You’ll go longer between relapses and longer without falling off the horse until eventually you realize you’ve conquered your habit.
Some of our habits may be more annoying or frustrating than harmful to us, but others (and the triggers behind them) can be very unhealthy and dangerous to our well-being. Breaking some of the more harmful and addictive habits may require medical help or the help of a licensed therapist. Ready to break free in 2020? Contact me and let’s start mending.
-Joel