We’ve heard the old saying about two things that are certain in life: death and taxes. While that’s true, I think we can add a third thing to the list: problems. Even Jesus Christ told his disciples that in this world they WILL have problems (Matthew 16:33). Not maybe or possibly, but they WILL – for certain – have problems.
Problems come in various shapes and sizes: losing your best client to losing your home or from having a rebellious child to having a terminally ill child. Maybe your problems are the result of an unwise choice you made recently or years ago. Or perhaps your problems have come about as the result of someone else’s decisions (i.e an unfaithful mate or abusive childhood).
Whatever your problems look like, you can be sure we all carry some. So, if problems are a part of life, how are we supposed to cope with them? How do we push through them and live our lives?
Well, in short, we stop giving away our personal power.
Your personal power is your ability to choose each day what you will surrender to and what you will not – how you will respond or react and how you will not. It’s your ability to choose for yourself how you will see your problems, how you will handle the stress from them, and how you will define yourself and your life as a result of them.
Refocus Your Perspective
Most people know binoculars are lenses that make far away objects appear much larger and closer. They’re helpful for observing objects from a distance like bird watching. As a child, I found it equally amusing and interesting to turn the binoculars around backwards and look through the smaller lens end. Doing so had the reverse effect – objects would appear further away and much smaller.
What lens are you looking through? Do you fill your metaphoric vision with only your problems so they become enlarged and encompass your entire focus? Or do you have the ability to flip the binoculars around and back up from the problem at hand – seeing the entire scene rather than the enlarged issue?
I’ve never advocated for minimizing your problems. They are there and they must be dealt with. But we don’t need to maximize, enlarge, or distort them either. See them for what they are – a portion of your whole picture. When issues arise and things go astray, it’s easy to focus on that problem. But, we need to step back and gain the panoramic view. Remember to still look for the positives in your life, the strengths you have, the blessings you’ve received (however small you may think they are).
Draw personal power from keeping a realistic check on your life. You’ll have failures but you will also have successes, and those successes will fuel your personal power so you can face and overcome the next failure.
Find an Outlet for Stress
One of the reasons our problems can overwhelm and distract us so much is the effect they have on our mental, emotional, and physical well being. Our problems produce stress and stress can tear us down when it’s not properly dealt with.
To protect your mental health, find someone to talk to about your problems who will help find solutions rather than enable self-pity or other destructive attitudes. Strengthen your emotional health by tackling grief, anger, guilt, or other negative emotions head on. Don’t sweep them under the rug. They don’t go away and ignoring them will only cause them to grow in magnitude. Process them as needed so you can move on emotionally. Physically, find an activity that serves as an outlet for stress. Take up hiking or swimming or breathing exercises. One lady took up kickboxing after her mother died and found the physical exertion and focused time and energy to be helpful in processing her loss.
Whatever you do, do something. Constantly obsessing over and staring at your problem and choosing to do nothing with it will not lead to resolution. If the problem is out of your control, perhaps the best way to maintain your personal power is to find a way to manage the stress that results from the problem.
Change Your Identity
You are a complex, unique, and intricate person. Your characteristics, mannerisms, and interests create a one of a kind person. With the many options you have to define who you are, why choose your problem to define you?
I’ve worked with countless individuals who voluntarily handed over their personal power by choosing to define their lives with their problems. They chose to adopt the identity of their problems. They opted for a victim role and victim mentality instead of that of victor. And it played out in their relationships and everyday lives.
Hear me loud and clear: your problems do not define you. You must separate who you are from what has happened to you. Yes, our problems can bring out qualities in us, but it’s up to you if those qualities are strength and perseverance or pity and defeat.
For those of the Christian faith, we have but one identity to take on – and it’s not victim, failure, or problem. It’s that of Christ. His victory is our victory. Earlier in this article I referenced Jesus’ words in Matthew 16:33 that in this world we WILL have problems. The rest of the verse continues by saying, “but take heart, I have overcome the world.”
Will you choose to focus on, be weighed down by, or identify with the problems we WILL have in this world? Or will you choose to focus on, be lifted up by, and identify with the victory Christ had in overcoming the world?
-Joel D. Walton