Technology can be a wonderful thing. After all, the screen you’re looking at right now is connecting you with this review, isn’t it? That same screen may also allow you to Skype with a long distance relative, keeping your family more united. But, as in most things, the key is moderation. Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen Driven World tackles a topic many parents are happy to talk about but weary to modify – our children’s exposure to screens and media.
Co-authored by Dr. Gary Chapman (author of The Five Love Languages)and Arlene Pellicane, our writers share research-driven data from countless studies on the impact technology has had on adolescents (and adults) over the past decades. They also share from their personal lives and their work with clients – giving us the perspective of a seasoned parent and grandfather (Chapman) and a mother of younger children (Pellicane). They explore the lives of both two parent families and single parent families as they enlighten readers on healthy practices for technology use.
Tablets, smartphones, computer screens, televisions, and video game consoles play an active role in many homes. But at what cost? Excessive screen time is connected to anxiety and depression in youth, as well as violence, obesity, and hindered academic performance. Growing Up Socialoffers practical ways to a) recognize excessive use of technology, b) set appropriate boundaries for both parents and children, and c) monitor healthy amounts of screen time. As parents, we are encouraged to take charge of the media in our home as opposed to being run by it.
Children have five vital skills to learn from us as they grow: how to show and accept affection, how to show and accept appreciation, anger management, how to apologize, and how to pay attention. As parents, our role is to teach and guide our children through all skills into adulthood – setting them up for success. How does technology conflict with each of these skills? A texted apology is not the same as a face to face one. A screen cannot affectionately hold a hand or wipe a tear. The constant dopamine shots in the brain during a video game do not help children to later focus in the classroom when screens aren’t flashing and controllers aren’t vibrating. Chapman uses the analogy of our children as a cup and technology as a high pressured water stream shooting into the cup non-stop. There is an overload and the surge is too fast for the cup to hold anything of substance. We must slow down this stream and give our children’s brains a break from the constant stimuli.
Chapman also gives useful dialogue to share with our children about internet safety and privacy protection. He does not neglect to remind us, as adults, of the example we set in action for our young ones. We can’t tell our children or grandchildren not to abuse time online if they see us constantly scrolling through Facebook. We cannot try to enforce time limits to television if we never seem to cut our own off. We cannot get frustrated with a child for not listening or paying attention if that same child is battling our smartphones for our attention.
A wonderful read full of great advice and easy to implement advice, I recommend this to anyone with kids or grandkids, or anyone with their own “technology addiction.” Parent groups may enjoy also enjoy the follow up discussion questions associated with each chapter. Now, unplug for a few and enjoy the pages of Growing Up Social.