Do you remember being a kid and waking up with horrendous pain in your legs? You wondered what on earth happened while you slept, but then your mom informed you it was “just growing pains.” Maybe your own children are going through this right now. Having to replace their entire wardrobe with clothes that fit is a pretty good indicator of what those aches are too.
When we are little, we dream about growing up. Little boys want to be tall, strong men and little girls want to be the bell of the ball. We long for the day we get our driver’s license and experience a taste of freedom. We tell our parents we are ready to move out and away every time we have to abide by one of their rules. We just couldn’t wait to grow up!
But growing up wasn’t always as pleasant as we had hoped. Because growing up also meant feeling the hurt of our first breakup, the death of our grandparents, and even the sting of a friend’s betrayal. Growing is often painful. It’s awkward and uncomfortable at the very least. But that growth doesn’t end with adolescence.
Just like the way our arms and legs ache from growing pains, our hearts can ache in adulthood as we grow from different seasons and experiences.
How Do Adults Grow?
Growth as an adult is no longer about your physical stature (some of us wish the numbers on the scale would stop growing though) but instead your mental and emotional growth. It doesn’t show up on a height chart but instead in how we treat ourselves and others. Adult growth evidences itself when:
- We move past adolescent reactions of temper tantrums when not getting our way and instead learn to think and respond appropriately;
- We take responsibility for where we are in life instead of blaming it on others;
- We love hard and responsibly instead self-servingly and fearfully;
- We check our egos by having honest conversations of our strengths and weaknesses;
- We take care of what needs to be handled either with an apology, boundaries, or some other type of action;
- And we show gratitude rather than incessant greed, envy, or complaining.
Why is Growth so Painful?
Growth is a good thing, right? If that’s the case, then why does it hurt so stinking bad?
- It means loss.
Growth comes when we say good-bye to the things and people who hinder us from becoming who we are meant to be. This may mean the end of an unhealthy relationship. Loss is never easy and it’s never without pain – even when we know it’s what is best for us or others around us. It comes with a pruning and weeding of the things that hinder or harm us.
Sometimes the loss associated with personal growth can feel like the withdrawals of an addiction. You had a way of doing things. You had certain people in your life. And now they are not. You know it’s the right thing, but it is still a disruption to your old way of thinking and living. Our brains await that previous reaction and when we don’t give into it, it’s hard at first. But, trust me, it gets easier and one day you will find yourself counting your gains.
- It means the unknown.
Growth comes with change. And that means leaving what we know for that which is unfamiliar. This is uncomfortable and scary. We are creatures of habit and predictability. We want what seems safe and known. The problem is, we’re growing because that old familiar thing or person is no longer best or safe.
You may have to make new friends, date a different kind of person, be a different kind of person yourself, handle your money in a whole new way, say words you’ve never been bold enough to say, or release control over the things you cannot change. Thankfully, if we’re growing, the unknown is going to be better than where we were and what we formerly knew. So, let excitement replace the fear.
Why is Growth Necessary?
Stagnant water starts to stink. Fruit either ripens or rots on the vine. Caterpillars must spend time in the cocoon before becoming the butterfly. I could go on and on with the analogies, but my point is that growth is a necessary part of life.
We must take account of the areas in our lives where we’ve grown stale. This requires honest self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like, “How do I feed my biggest weaknesses? Do I have friends who impact me in a harmful way? Are there habits I have that hinder my ultimate goals in life? Am I ready to take responsibility for the things I can control and release those which I cannot?”
Personal growth is an ongoing process of understanding yourself better and developing the attitude and actions needed to reach our goals in life. Whether our goal is be a better spouse, an involved parent, a Christian with an obedient and surrendering heart, or the type of friend others deserve, personal growth moves us toward who we most want to identify as. Personal growth (though initially may seem very self-focused) actually moves us toward the type of person better able to love and serve others.
Are you struggling through a season of growth or standing on the edge of one afraid to jump? I’ve been there too. And I can help. Having a trained counselor walk alongside you during this journey gives you a sounding board, a safe space, accountability, and a friend to point you toward your healing, mending, and ultimate goals. I’m here when you’re ready to grow!
– Joel