As Christians, we’ve been given a beautiful, life-altering, attitude-shifting gift called “grace.” It first appeared on a piece of wood atop Mt. Calvary and it reaches out to you each day of your life. It’s the undeserved, unearned, yet unending element that separates Christianity from all other belief systems. Just as grace is the key to living the Christian life intended for us, it’s the greatest component to a successful, God-pleasing marriage.
In their book “Grace Filled Marriage,” husband and wife duo Dr. Tim and Darcy Kimmell share their experiences as a married couple and their encounters with other married couples to illustrate the grace-filled perspective we must have with our mates – the same grace-filled perspective that Jesus has with his spouse, the Church. They contrast the “grace” lens with the selfish “me” lens, the conditional “love if” lens, and the self-righteous “pious” lens many of us view our spouses (and other relationships) through. They teach us to toss out the grace-less habits and words we’ve been carrying out on our mates (either knowingly or unknowingly) and to replace them with the wisdom and empowerment of amazing grace. It’s what prepares and equips us to weather the storms of life and marriage.
After a walk through the need, conviction, and role of grace in a marriage (albeit, a limping walk as your toes may get rightfully stepped on), we see what grace offers in a marriage: secure love, significant purpose, and strong hope. We’re all wired with these three primary needs, and our mates are the single most influential person (apart from Christ) in meeting these needs. Let me reiterate that: you are the ONE living human being who has the most impact on your spouses needs! What will you do with that influence? Better yet, who are you to withhold such grace? The desire of God is for you to do what He has done for His bride – extended unconditional grace. Ironically, that same gift you’ll extend is what gives us the courage and the motivation to keep doing so! With practical ways of applying the principles of grace, the Kimmels offer experienced, mature insight into bringing harmony, intimacy, spiritual fruit, healing, and protection to your marriage relationship.
My favorite illustration in this book was a look at our wedding rings. Rare, valuable gold and diamond symbols of our commitment to God and our spouse. Much like these jewels, our marriages require a labor-intensive mining, a wise eye to distinguish useless rock from valuable gem, and the ability to withstand the pressure, refinement, and polishing that reveal a shiny, long-lasting beauty. It’s books like this I wish I’d been handed a copy of and told to read when I began entertaining the idea of marriage. It’s a valuable resource of biblical accuracy on being the kind of husband or wife who lives the agape action-rather-than-words type of love required for healthy, fruitful, thriving marriages. When marriages overflow with grace, couples have the impact on the world God intended them to have and they are more of a representation of the unity with the Holy Trinity – “we” and not “me.”
-Joel D. Walton