There are a lot of myths in regards to Christian counseling. Probably the biggest myth is that Christian counseling is about telling people what God wants them to do! Today’s Christian counseling is not about telling you what to do or believe, but rather it’s about exploring how ones faith (Regardless of what that is) impacts their own identity and ultimately their life story. It’s taking a closer look at how their own personal faith effects the way in which they see the world, process their daily struggles, and interact with other relationships in their life.
For many Christians, their faith is more than something they believe, it’s a major part of who they are. Which can make finding a culturally competent counselor a bit difficult for them when you consider most secular counselors hold a rather dim view towards their Christian faith. Many secular counselors view a belief in Jesus Christ as being about on the same level of believing in Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy – Making it rather hard to ever build what is known as a therapeutic alliance with their Christian clients. Most people would like to feel respected and understood in order to fully open up about what’s going on in their lives. This is where the need for a Christian counseling comes in. Working with someone who not only support your faith, but shares in it as well can often make a significant difference in how well you feel understood when working with a counselor.
The other topic that’s often brought up is what does a counselor offer that your pastor doesn’t? For many their thought is, “Why don’t I just talk to my pastor?” I know, for many years I had the same thoughts. If this describes your feelings, I would invite you to check out a recent article I wrote on this topic entitled, “Should Christians Ever Seek Professional Counseling?” to lean more about this important misunderstanding as well as learn about my own journey of becoming a Marriage & Family Therapist.
Growing up as a Christian, I was always taught that through prayer and studying the Bible people could find the answers for all of life’s issues, including both emotional and spiritual problems. While prayer and studying God’s work is a vital part of the Christian life, seeking help from others is also encouraged by God (Proverbs 11:14). In light of the various misconceptions about counseling, I thought it might be nice to take some time to dispel some of the most popular myths – Giving you a more accurate understanding of what happens in the counseling process, how it works, and if it’s something that may be right for you.
7 Popular Myths About Christian Counseling Exposed
Myth #1: Don’t Christian counselors just preach at you?
False: There’s a big difference between Preaching versus Counseling – One is instructing from a place of authority and the other is encouraging from a place of support aimed at challenging ones thinking and awareness in order to facilitate personal growth. Christian counselors are trained to discuss common topics related to their clients faith, like… “Why did God allow this to happen to me?” Christian counseling isn’t about telling individuals what they need to believe – Because not every Christian believes the same thing. It’s about helping individuals understand how aspects of their faith play a role in their perceiving and processing of their life – It’s helping individuals find strength through their faith by helping them understand the internal conflicts they may have between their faith and their relationship with their world around them.
Myth #2: People who go to counseling are weak and unable to handle their own problems.
False: Seeking help is one of the strongest things a person can do. A large majority of people seeking counseling come seeking help processing and resolving what’s blocking them from solving their problems. It’s not that they can’t handle their problems, it’s that they are often unaware of what’s blocking them from doing so. Counseling is really about helping people find their own personal power to not only solve their current issues, but also to find life long solutions to handle future issues in life. For the Christian is about finding their identity in Christ rather than the world.
Myth #3: Counselors just give you advice or try to solve your problems.
False: Ethical counseling is not about giving advice or telling you what you need to do to “fix your life.” This is not HGTV and I am not Chip Gaines. Rather counseling is more about helping you to better understand what you truly desire from life and to better understand how the decisions you make affect your life. We often think we want one thing, while in all actuality there is something else – in the long term– much more important we may have overlooked in the short term. Counseling teaches us to deal with life’s discomforts (there are many) and to realistically and authentically relate to ourselves and others around us.
Myth #4: Counselors are really just paid friends.
False: Friendships are based on a mutual relationship, where counseling is more of an exploration and dive into deeper understanding. For many, it can be the first time they are able to be fully vulnerable and known. Friendships have expectations and are governed by deep cultural expectations and behaviors which keep people from ever expressing who they really are. Counseling provides a freedom from expectations to think or act a certain way – an environment where you’re able to express your feelings and examine your motives apart from cultural, familiarity, and the spiritual expectations. The counseling process should be both empathetic and challenging, but never judgmental. When caught in the act of adultery, Jesus told the woman, “The neither do I condemn you either.” (John 8:11) Condemnation and judgement are not part of any healthy, healing process.
Myth #5: Counseling only focuses on feelings and doesn’t really change anything.
False: While your feelings are a part of your story, counseling is really about taking you from where you are to where you want to be. Consider it a bridge to move you from one place in life to another. And your counselor walks that journey over the bridge with you. Often times people don’t fully know what they want, so identifying what you don’t want can be a good place to start. We all deal with expectations of what we think others want or demand from us, and some even use anger as a mask to keep from ever dealing with true feelings. Life is really about understanding our choices and what drives us to make the ones we do.
Myth #6: As Christian’s shouldn’t we go to our pastor with our life’s issues?
False: Not all personal issues are the result of a spiritual disconnection, misunderstanding, or sin in an individual’s life. Don’t get me wrong, your pastor can be a great resource of help and comfort, especially if you’re dealing with questions related to your faith. However, today’s pastors are often overwhelmed with other duties and they might not have the time to help you appropriately and thoroughly deal with the issues we all face. In addition, the scriptures don’t specifically prohibit us from seeking professional help. If that were the case, why would you seek a doctor with a health concern? One of the biggest reasons Christian’s seek counseling rather than talking with their pastor is they don’t want to change their relationship or leave themselves feeling over exposed to someone they have to see each week at church. With a few limited exceptions, a licensed therapist is legally bound to maintain your confidential information even after you’ve moved on from counseling. Furthermore, there are Christian therapists who are seminary trained and are equally equipped to help you process spiritual issues – issues that often stem from shame, guilt, and how we see ourselves and our identity.
Myth #7: Counseling takes months, and even years to complete – That costs a lot of money.
False: Keeping in mind each case is unique, many cases can be resolved within a short period of time. Most clients see significant improvement in a few sessions (though others can take longer). Today’s counseling is really “On-Demand,” meaning you decide how long and what areas you want to address in a collaborative, healing environment. Factors defining treatment are as individualist as people. There are ways to make counseling afforable. Many counselors offer a sliding scale based on your ability to pay and most insurance companies let you go out of network and will reimburse all or part of your expense. Also, most counselors will offer a no-cost phone consultation to discuss your case and give you options to help steer you in the right direction for other services you may not know of. Like the passage in the bible says…often times we have not, because we ask not (James 4:2)
Bonus #8: Counseling is a safe space to be open and honest with yourself.
This is TRUE! Christian counseling isn’t about telling you what you’re doing wrong or to give you a list of do’s and don’ts. Instead, counseling benefits you when you’re honest and working with a trained professional, so you can decide what help you want and the path you need to take to get there.
If you think it’s time to seek help from a biblically trained, Christian counselor, don’t hesitate. Contact me today to ask about any other myths or questions. Let’s get started on your journey toward a mended life.
-Joel Walton